Hang on a Sec

Ever work your ass off for 4 straight hours, getting all the t’s crossed and the I’s dotted and then you realize that you have worked through your break? So, happy with yourself and envisioning your bosses congratulations on a job well done, you open that Slim Jim and Coke that has been sitting untouched beside you—and that’s when the boss walks into your cubicle?

Or how about when you’re doing research on the net about the US government and you type in whitehouse.com instead of whitehouse.org by mistake? Had you typed in whitehouse.org in the first place you would have been alone for the next hour, but because you landed at a porn site that’s when the wife walks into the room.

These kinds of miscues in timing will stick with you forever, like it or not. So it is with 100 Hubs in 30 Days. To the point that the challenge was issued, I had published 45 hubs in 4 weeks. Deciding to exercise restraint for a change, I projected that 30 hubs in 30 days was a more reasonable undertaking for a normally over reaching kinda guy like me.

No sooner had I set up my 30/30 blog than I went totally blank for the next 8 days. I wandered around the house finding all sorts of things that needed doing. The lawn needed mowing, 3 times in 5 days; fixed that chair that had been broken for 2 years, duct taped the kids to the wall and shaved the cats, all four of them. Now here I am sitting in my repaired chair, with my shaved cats shivering and my kids pleading to be let down to go to the bathroom and I still can’t dredge up an idea. This is rapidly becoming a crisis in my house.

Anyway, I started to research what I thought would be a blockbuster article on an operation in the Chinese-India-Burma Theater during World War Two. As I read more and more, I needed more and more information. So I kept clicking link after link until I suddenly realized that I had been engrossed for the last half hour reading about the mating habits of the Tsetse Fly. “This will never do.”, I thought and….Hang on a second.

OK, I’m back. I couldn’t concentrate what with all the hollering and screaming the kids were doing so I let them down and damned if the cats didn’t start playing with the duct tape. Now they’re all stuck together. The upside is that they aren’t cold anymore and they go everywhere at once. Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah, so, I decided that wasn’t going to work and I turned to comedy. Maybe I could write something off the cuff that would get the old creative juices flowing. So, I started typing but “I just flew in from Boston and man are my arms tired” just isn’t as funny on paper as it is in my mind. So, here I was stuck again—uh—Ha

Ng

On…

OK. The kids found a rope somewhere and they were teasing the cats with it and , yep, you guessed it. They were slinging the rope near the chair and it wrapped around the leg I had just fixed. I went ass over teakettle and now the chair is unusable again. I have to admit though; it was funny watching them. One cat would take off sideways after the rope and the other three would have to follow. Back and forth, back and forth; sorta like The Rockettes without fur. Well, I remedied that problem in short order. I took the rope away and tied it around the duct tape and hung the cats from my Walnut tree out front. But just then the ice cream truck went by and my three year old just had to have a Bomb Pop. So, I stopped the driver and before he could even get out of the truck he asks me what the hell is that in my tree. So I tell him it’s an exotic Cat Wind Chime from China. Well, he slams the truck into gear and takes off yelling something about the ASPCA and the creepy little guy didn’t even give us our Bomb Pop! So, I gave my daughter a Granola bar and, wanting to avoid any more potentially embarrassing scenes with creepy ice cream guys, I took the cats down.

But I had to find some way to get back to my writing without further interruptions. So, I jacked up the car and told my kids to change the transmission filter. But I’m a better parent than you might think. I didn’t make my 3 year old do that. Instead, I tied the rope to the back of her tricycle and now she’s happily pedaling up and down the rows of my garden out back. Talk about tilling the soil! The way those cats are scrabbling to get stopped she’ll be done in no time! And all four of them fit perfectly between the rows!

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, so I’ve been thinking this whole Hub Challenge thing is just not working out for me at this time. I’m sorry and I know this will probably stick with me all my writing days, but I am just fresh out of ideas. Oh---gotta go. My daughter’s tilling the neighbor’s yard and I have to catch my car.

No animals or children were harmed in the scribing of this hub. – mostly.